Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Turning D&D Monsters Into Dinosaurs

I know some of these aren't dinosaurs go away. This is only half an idea, I know, but here goes.

Orcs- These are now cavemen. Not Flintstone cavemen or Ringo cavemen or Ron Perlman cavemen. These are Vandal Savage cavemen. They are smarter and more powerful and more dangerous, and we didn't out-evolve this kind of caveman because we were better, we won the gene race because they were busy. They invented the wheel, as in the TSR great wheel, as in they opened a big door and let all the elemental rage and magic of the universe pour in. In our world this killed the dinosaurs. In this one it made them stranger.

Flailsnails- Akylosaurus, but with 2d17 clubs for a head and 1d5 clubs for a tail. Each limb is also three clubs. It strains its sustenance by sludging through swamps and lakes.

Displacer Beast- No not a sabretooth tiger. Utahraptor. Who needs a pack of hunters when you can be a one-dino "clever girl?"

Beholder- Eye Tyrannosaurus, a floating T-Rex head (including his little arms on his chin, MODOKlike) with 14 eyes set evenly around its skull.

Owlbear- Slothodactyl.

Bulette- Stegosaurus rolls himself into a ball and spins around to burrow and get places, Sonic the Hedgehog-meets-excavator style.

Hydra- Seven-headed elasmosaurus

Mind Flayer- Some kind of duck billed dinosaur, clearly.

Minotaur- Gallomimus with triceratops head.

Chimera- Hindquarters of a deinonychus, torso of a sabretooth tiger, head of a wooly mammoth.

Centaur- Parasaurolohpus torso on a dimetrodon body.

...And so on for all the "this plus this" mythological monsters.

Now the elephant in the room is Dragons because those are just flying t-rexes anyway when you get down to it. Now normally a dragon is basically an enormous lizard that is magic and breathes fire, but its reptilian nature isn't exactly essential. That's just what makes our brains go "gross" and it's weird to think of one that big and deadly. So in a world dominated by giant lizards, I think perhaps dragons should be ENORMOUS BATS, or enormous flying rats, who are magic and breathe fire.

There, now I can say I put something up today.